The Plight of a Chronic Perfectionist.
How many times a week do you find yourself avoiding an activity because you fear (or even dread) the potential of it not coming out perfectly? If you’re anything like me, the answer to that question is more often than you’d be comfortable admitting (especially as a perfectionist). As a creator in a visually oriented world that consumes content at a rate faster than we ever have before, sharing your work is almost as uncomfortable as seeing your ex at the grocery store. Not only is it a constant task to curate the perfect feed, the perfect profile, the perfect website, but you also have to be able to catch somebody’s attention in the blink of an eye. Feels like absolute rocket science to me and I’m no aerospace engineer by any means, but I’ll try to unpack the way I approach this as best I can anyway.
What it Feels Like; The Epitome of Perfectionism
The irony of this post is that there is a very high potential that I may never post it because it doesn’t fully encapsulate the exact vision I had/have for it. Here are some of the nagging and chaotic feelings that swarm my creative space as I try and find zen in an overpriced coffee shop to write this post.
Note book and pen on the right, coffee on the left, I can’t even start writing this until I finish my croissant and wipe off my hands. Too many god damned crumbs……
Okay just start with a digestible and relatable intro that catches peoples attention… can’t be that hard right?
No maybe I should start with an outline …… no just kidding …… I’ll wing it …… it’s more creative and off the cuff that way
I want to use the images from San Diego for this but they are completely irrelevant……. plus they aren’t my best work…. can I make them relevant somehow? I definitely want them to tie in.
Does that sentence make sense? Are there too many commas? It definitely sounds ramble-y. —deletes half of sentence— Okay now this doesn’t get across what I’m trying to say. —deletes full sentence and starts over—
Does this even sound like me? It feels pretty dry, I don’t think people are going to resonate with this. Adds a dumb joke in….
This joke isn’t even going to make sense to anybody but me?!?! Maybe I should just stick to straightforward, people like that right?
Okay f**k this, this is way too hard and I drank my coffee way too fast, and my hands are sweaty — abandons post for three days —
I kid you not, I have abandoned this post probably 3-4 times over the past week. Writing a paragraph, looking over it, rewriting it, and then getting frustrated and giving up. Enter stage 2 of Chronic Perfectionism…… analysis paralysis. As the nagging ideals of making this a perfect post swarm around, I start to feel like a little kid lost in an amusement park. I'm standing in the center of the park, people rushing in every direction, corn-dogs in hand, and I have no idea which way to even begin to look . And so I just stand there and cry pathetically as my ice cream melts and I have completely forgotten how fun and amazing of an experience it was supposed to be. In trying to figure out the perfect direction to take, I get paralyzed analyzing every possible scenario.
So I’m not actually crying (usually) and there’s not ice cream involved (unfortunately), but you get the point. Realistically, sticking with the amusement park reference, I could go in any direction and probably still have a great time. The ferris wheel off to the right would be great, the log ride ahead would be great, heck, even the space shot would be an alright option, but trying to figure out which one would be the best I stand around wasting SO much time stuck in my thought processes. Honestly, it’s annoying, but so is fighting and trying to ignore those feelings all together. Here’s what I have found as the best way to keep my chin up and avoid losing momentum.
How to Work Through It… “Just Keep Swimming, Just Keep Swimming!”
It has taken me some time to figure out, but I have come to the realization that to avoid the analysis paralysis situation, you just have to keep plugging. As SOON as I stop and try to analyze everything, I get overwhelmed by the weight of trying to make it perfect (which is impossible for all intents and purposes anyways). So while of course, I can still settle on wanting it to be 96% perfect, the only way I’ll get there is if there’s actually content to back that up. Not to mention, if I just keep writing, keep taking photos, keep flowing through the creative process, I’ll learn so much more than if I give up because it isn’t perfect. And honestly, I’ve realized that’s way more exciting to me than appealing to the masses anyway. I’ll admit, I’m easily swayed by the pressure of hustle culture (I’ll be talking about this more in an upcoming post…. stay tuned) and the pressure to become an efficient machine who produces life-changing work with efficiency and consistency. But learning how to relax into my work and allow myself to be a conduit to free flowing creativity without the bounds of expectations surrounding what that looks like has been a revelation. In fact, the photos I used as visuals in this post originally just began as me needing to doodle and do something creative to get out of my head. In the context of the words for this post, relaxing into a flow state meant allowing my fingers to just fly across the keyboard - typing typing typing - and trying to avoid stopping every sentence. Things seemed to flow a lot more easily that way and I always reserved the ability to go back later and cut what didn’t make sense/resonate. As Dori so famously suggested “Just Keep Swimming, Just Keep Swimming”, and as Tori not so famously suggested, “Try not to judge yourself along the way.” (Get it? Dori…? Tori…? it rhymes)
Easier Said Than Done
So obviously this is SO much easier said than done. If you resonate with the title “Chronic Perfectionist” then clearly this isn’t a plight that can just be cured overnight with one blog post. I won’t try to mislead you, this is still something I work through every time I gear up to create something new. But, I can promise you that practice does indeed make perfect and that it’s worth trying to take a new approach to your work. Viewing my work through the lens of a constant work in progress and exploration on myself as opposed to a gleaming final product that must check all the boxes and make an impression on everyone who sees it has helped me so much. It has helped me to not only put out more work, but feel far less inhibited, and more excited to create. It has started to become less about the sharing aspect of the work, and much more about the creative aspect of the work. Isn’t that why we all started creating the things we do anyway? Because of the way the creative process makes us feel? Of course I still want to share quality work, but I’m less concerned about how my work will affect my self image because the creative endeavor is so much fun. Allowing the fear of future what if’s (what if people don’t like it? what if I don’t like it?! what if I end up hating it???!) to prevent me from creating will never allow me the opportunity to experience all that I have to gain either.
From one Chronic Perfectionist to another, I am here to tell you that those nagging ideals that swarm your creative process aren’t always worth listening to. It’s worth it to keep plugging through something, even if it doesn’t turn out as perfect in your book. Or heck, even if it doesn't turn out perfect in anyone’s book. It’s about time we all got back to creating for the sake of creating, enjoying the process, and allowing creativity to flow freely the way it’s supposed to. It’s time we remembered why we started creating in the first place.
